The Informal Mentor

You Define Your Own Success

I was talking with a buddy of mine this past weekend that had just started a new job in a career field that he loves. I asked him when he will consider himself successful in that career field. He of course first came back with the sarcastic answer “A happy and healthy family” (which is admirable goal, but it is a goal that is limiting and a cop-out answer in my opinion…I’ll explain later).  He then said that he would consider himself successful when he had received recognition in his field for his achievements. He desired the respect and regard of his peers, and wanted a tangible award of that respect. Fair enough.

He then asked me when I would consider myself successful. My definition of success is much different. Although I, like anyone else, enjoy the respect of others, it isn’t what drives me. If everyone loves me, but I am broke, tired, worn out, with no hobbies or passions, and my wife is not proud of me…then I am not a success, I’m a failure (The clever ones have figured out that if you reverse those, you get my definition of success). I will be a success when my wife is proud of me, I am passionate about things larger than myself, I have taken care of my body, and I have the money and time to do what I want. I know that sounds too Idyllic for your cynical mind, but at least I have a vision of success (and according to my definition, I can be successful everyday), do you have a definition of success for yourself?

I gave you two definitions of success which were very different. One hinged upon the approval and recognition of others, while the other strives for time, money, health, and passion. Both are attainable and are great definitions in my opinion. The important part is that they are defined. I’ll ask you again; do you have a definition of success for yourself? Too often people, especially people early in their adult lives do not take the time to properly define the success that they want. They end up taking whatever job they fall into, or are pushed into, without thoroughly thinking whether or not that career path is going to lead them to their definition of success. They do the same thing with relationships.  It isn’t until they are already 6 years into their career and starting a family that they begin to evaluate where they are, and more importantly, where they want to be (sound familiar?).

Why should you define success?

Because if you don’t define it, you will never achieve it. Make sense? If you never set a finish line, you will never cross it. It’s a simple concept, but one that few people put in to practice (www.goal-setting-guide.com says that only 5% of the population takes the time to write down their goals. Don’t be the other 95%).

So why did you say a “Happy, healthy family” is a cop-out answer?

Although I think family should be valued above all else, I think people sell themselves short with this answer. Unless you are a single parent with 6 kids, you have the time to better yourself in other areas, besides your family. Although a great family can, and probably should be a part of your definition of success; it should not be the only part. Too many people hide behind this answer and think that they don’t have to give their best, because they are not “superficial and worried about social status.” You may not be one of these people, but I am sure you can think of someone who is this person. They look down on anyone who has achieved any definition of success, and think that they are somehow superior for not concerning themselves with those types of things. I argue that those people are a poor example for their family because they are not fulfilling and maximizing all of their talents and abilities. It doesn’t matter if recognition of others or money is in your definition of success. What matters is that you are constantly pushing yourself to learn, to be better at what you do, and to be continually growing as a person. The people that hide behind the “family” answer are not doing these things.

How do you define your success?

This part is fun. But contrary to what you might think, it is not easy. This is where you must practice some genuine self-awareness. You cannot have a clear picture of what you want in life, until you understand what motivates you. Is it free time to spend with Friends and Family? Recognition from others? A certain achievement level in your career field? To master a skill? To have money? If it is money, I encourage you to dig deeper and find what is it about having money that motivates you. Only here will be able to put into words what motivates you, and in turn what you want to be striving for.

Spend some time on this. Take 30 minutes to look internally and create your definition of success. I guarantee that you will find it helpful. After you define it, join the 5% of us that write down our goals and type it up, print it out, and put it somewhere that you will see it daily. A constant reminder of where you are going is the best fuel to keep you moving.

-T.I.M.

Live for...Tomorrow

Have you ever heard the phrase, or something similar to the phrase, “Make yourself today better than you were yesterday?” Of course you have heard this statement, and you probably have attempted to put it in to practice. You have tried your hardest to make today better than yesterday.

 

And what happened?

 

Most of you have failed. Failure? I know that failure is probably a slightly revolting word for you. It is also a pretty tough word for me to say to you, after all, I don’t even know you. But haven’t you failed? Think about it, aren’t you still in the same position you were last year at this time? Aren’t you making the same amount of money? Aren’t you still wasting time doing who-knows-what, while your natural talents and abilities grow smaller and your waistline gets bigger? But how could this be? After all, at one point in time you were determined to make yourself better TODAY than yesterday? So…what went wrong? Why are you exactly the same today as you were yesterday? Why did you fail?

 

It went wrong when you woke up and said, “Today will be a good day, and I will be better than I was yesterday.”

 

But wait, isn’t that the kind of positive self-talk that I am supposed to be doing?

 

Good for you if you thought this. This shows that you have spent some time reading books written by folks much smarter than you and I, and you are serious about your self-improvement. Positive self-talk is extremely important to your daily attitude and to your overall success, but that’s not what we are specifically talking about here.

 

Let me explain.

 

What I mean is that by the time you wake up, your day is already decided. Every decision you made yesterday determines your how you will be able to take advantage of the opportunities of today. Easy enough?

 

A simplistic example of this reality is if you were up till 1:00am watching TiVoed reruns of Conan (so sad…), and end up not getting asked by your boss to lead the team on his special project (probably because he saw you throwing back shots of 5-Hour Energy like a 19 year old Tri-Delt in Cancun), then the blame lies solely on you. Your decision to stay up late translates to poor performance at work, which translates to not being able to take advantage of opportunities of additional responsibility at work.

 

Some examples that do not go down as smoothly are:

1)   You chose to not start investing in your retirement accounts at a young age, and you were slack about it when you did start. This equals you not being able to retire at 60 and spending time with your friends and family, but instead you have to work at Sam’s Club and by the guy that highlights everyone’s receipts as they walk out.

2) You said, “Life is too short to care so much about what I eat, if it doesn’t taste good I’m not going to eat it.” You were right, life will be short. Years of overeating all the wrong foods left your arteries blocked and you abdomen bulging. So instead of being an active and healthy older person, you sound like an elephant in labor when you breathe, and you have to pay someone to wash between your toes, because you haven’t seen them in years.

 

Get my point?

 

However, it gets deeper than that. Along with the realization that your decisions yesterday directly affect your opportunities today, it is also true that where we are today is a direct result of our decisions and preparation of yesterday. In short, where you are now is largely your own fault. There is no such thing as luck, Karma or a plot against you that the universe set in motion (so stop blaming it on one of those). I know that is a tough one to swallow. Take all the time you need to digest it….ok, that’s enough.

 

This means unless you are 18 and just starting your adult life, you do not have anyone else to blame for where you are but yourself, because you made the decision that led you to this point. You did or didn’t take that job, you wasted that time or were productive, you married or didn’t marry that person, you ruined or invested in that relationship, you spent or saved that money, you did or didn’t create a network of contacts, and you did or did not exercise.

 

Some of you may disagree, or think that I’m a heartless bastard. But I’m really not. Of course I realize that there are vast inequalities that exist in society. It is obviously easier for an upper class white guy from Boston to end up a CEO of a company than for an African American girl from a poverty stricken area to obtain the same position. However, both are possible. One clearly would take more time and effort, but both would take effort, and both are possible. You could write volumes on this subject, but I am not. I think you get the gist of what I’m saying.

 

If you still think I’m an unsympathetic idiot, feel free to write me a nasty email and vent all of your frustrations, it will make you feel better…but I’ll still be right.

 

Where we are today is a direct result of our decisions and preparation of yesterday. Take a moment to read it a third time. In fact, I’m going to force you to…Where you are today is a direct result of your decisions and preparation of yesterday. Do you believe it? If not, I hope that you will stay tuned so that I can prove it true to you. If you do already believe it, then give yourself a pat on the back. You are miles ahead of where most people will ever be. However, do you realize what an awesome responsibility that is? More importantly, do realize what an awesome opportunity that is? Your preparation today, has the ability to shape where you are headed tomorrow, and where you will end up years from now.

 

It is because of this truth that I say forget about living for today, and instead, live for tomorrow.

 

Obviously I do not mean that you should live in a fantasy world where you engage only in hopes and day-dreams or in a shallow life that continually searches for the next social, physical, or emotional high. But live each day as if next day is the best day of your life. Live this year, like the next year will be the best year of your life, and prepare for it that way. Don’t just wish for success and accomplishment now, but take the necessary steps now that will allow you to have success and accomplishment in the future.

 

Your tomorrow is only going to be as good as you will make it today. So don’t wait until tomorrow becomes today to start making a better you, or a better life. Start TODAY. If you exercise today… you will be fitter tomorrow; if you read today…you will be smarter tomorrow; if you do more work today…you will have more opportunity for creativity tomorrow, if you eat healthy today…you will have more tomorrow’s.

 

The premise of everything I write stems from my belief that we have the opportunity and responsibility to make ourselves, and our lives the best that we can make them. Our lives our too short, and there is too much good we can achieve for ourselves and for others for us to be lazy and let life pass you by. It is my goal to provide you with tangible and applicable tactics that you apply each day that will improve your life. I hope that you will find these rewarding, motivating and will help shape you into a better person for yourself, your family, your friends, and your career.

 

-T.I.M.

Athletes Are Smarter Than You.

“You excited about the SuperBowl this weekend?” I ask.

“I used to be a football nut, but couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it now.” He replied.

“Why don’t you like it anymore?” I inquired.

“I just lost interest when they started making all that money.  Here I am busting my butt all day long, and they are making more money than I’ll ever see in a lifetime, all for playing a game!

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

But to be honest, I didn’t really “see” his point.

 

This was a conversation that I had yesterday with a man in his late 40’s, clearly a few generations removed from the “glory days” of the NFL.  Sure I could agree with him that athletes get paid an ungodly amount of money for being able run fast, hit hard, and catch a ball. (Gilbert Arenas just got suspended last week for the rest of the NBA season without pay. He’s losing $100k a game. A game. That hurts, I don’t care who you are. ).

 

But it is pointless to look at the money that is being made, and compare that to the actual activity that is being done. These will never equal, ever. The janitor will always make less than the administrative assistant, who will make less than the project manager, who will make less than the assistant VP, who will make less than the CEO. This is in spite of of how mentally, physically, or emotionally taxing each position is. There is no law that says you have to do something “difficult” to get paid well. The fact is, those who put themselves in situations where they can get seriously paid, for doing something “easy” are not lazy, or undeserving. They are actually smart. Apparently they are even smarter than you.

 

Before you try to google my address to come throw golf balls through my window because you are offended by that statement, think about it. How could they not be smarter than you? Let’s look at the average player, making the average salary. According to Wikipedia.com, the median salary in 2009 is $770k, and the average career is 3yrs. All you charter school kids can do the math and find that it equals over $2.3 million. That kid is 26 years old, retired, with a couple million in the bank (What? You don’t think they actually save the money?). Now here comes the painful part…compare that to where you are. Go ahead, quickly take stock of your life, and tell me, who looks like the smarter one? The 26yr old with a paid-for education and millions in the bank? Or you, the 26 to 36 year old dude that is thousands in debt, and hasn’t read a book since the days of required reading?  I think you get my point.

 

Now before you go quoting stats of how many NFL players end up bankrupt or in financial distress within 2 years after retirement (it’s 78% according to Sports Illustrated by the way), I want you to see the point. Because, believe it or not, the point is not that athletes are smarter than you are. Some of them probably are, and some are definitely not (I don’t have to insert Plaxico Burress’ name here, but it is too obvious), case and point, Plaxico Burress (I take it back, I had to do it). The point is that the reason the athletes make so much money is because they do something that is in high demand, and there is a low supply of people that can perform on the level that they can. It is as simple as economics can get. Some guy who runs a  4.4 second 40 yard dash is in high demand, because there are more people who like to watch that guy run, than can actually run (they probably run more like a 40 second 4 yard dash).  

 

Take then in contrast the argument of “all the teachers who get paid so little compared to the outrageous salaries of athletes.” Here’s a simple personal test you can use to diffuse this ridiculous statement:  How many girls did you meet in college that were majoring in some form of education? Exactly, every other girl that you tried to hit on was learning to teach.  

 

Supply is high & demand is not = teachers get paid small amounts of money.

 

I’m not saying that it is fair, or is the way they should be. I’m just saying that is the way it is.

 

So, what does this mean for you? Surely I’m not suggesting that you hit the weight room in hopes of being invited to The Combine this spring? No, I’m not.  I’m also not necessarily suggesting that you have to get into the exact profession that is going to be in high demand in the next decade. After all, four years ago everyone was clamoring to be a mortgage broker, these days that occupation barely exists.

 

However, what you can do is create demand for yourself.  You can make yourself into someone that your current or future employer cannot afford to lose.  The more demand there is for you and you’re your qualities, the more money you can command. That sounds pretty good right? So what does creating demand for you in your career look like? It looks like this:

 

-Be good at what you do (So what if you are awesome at fantasy football and beer pong, is that what your employer pays you for?).

-Be reliable (a company will always keep someone around that will actually do what they say they will do, when they say they will do it).

-Be punctual (every time you are late you are telling the other person that you are more important than they are).

-Be a sharp dresser (Not someone that changes their style with every season, not a flashy dresser, but someone who knows what they look good in, and what they do not).

 

This clearly not an exhaustive list, and as simple as these tips sound, they are difficult to practice on a regular basis. When they are mastered, however, you will be on the way to creating demand for yourself and for your skills. I encourage you to take this weekend and come up with one step for improving in each of these areas, and then do each one next week. After all, the more demand there is for you, the better you will be paid, regardless of your industry.

 

You don’t have to have made millions by the time you are 26 to be considered smart, and you don’t have to run a 4.4 40 yard dash to have your skills in demand.

 

-T.I.M.

The Informal Mentor - Explained

The Informal Mentor is a collection of my opinions concerning topics that are important to me, and should be important to you. Regardless of if you agree with me, (as I’m fairly confident that you won’t some of the time)I believe that you will be able to find something here that will help you improve your life. I encourage you to share your opinion by leaving a comment. I am not trying to appeal to everyone, only to those who realize that it is time they get their life together, and are willing to spend a little time doing just that. After spending some time together, I hope you will agree that it was well spent here.

 

As a disclaimer, I do not claim to be a life coach, or a motivational speaker or writer. I don’t do this professionally, and I’m not trying to. However I am enthusiastic about seeing myself, and others make good decisions and become better individuals. Through common sense, sarcasm, a bit of conscious living, and hopefully some humor, we will try to do just that.

 

Also, just in case you are interested, here is a little about me:

 

I’ve been married to my amazing, gorgeous wife for over 3 years, and our only child is a 1 year old Golden Retriever, Kenan. My wife and I met while in college at the University of North Carolina, and have lived in four cities and three states since then; including Athens, GA, Atlanta, GA, Tampa, FL, and currently Charlotte, NC. I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve been a success in medical sales for the past three years (which is the reason for all the moving). I work to live, not the other way around, but I take my career very seriously and think you should too. I strive to be perpetually productive except for my obsession with college football and college basketball. I am a beer enthusiast, but nowhere near a beer snob. I’m not an exercise junkie, but think you are an idiot if you do not take care of your body. I am an aspiring foodie, mostly because of my wife, who is an extremely talented chef.  My wife and I have been labeled as a “Health Nuts” because of things we eat or don’t eat. I like to run, and I like a good cigar, but preferably not at the same time. I’ve got fantastic friends, and know you have to work to keep them; I have a passion for self improvement and for seeing people make smarter decisions that will better their lives.  I do my best to think practically and use common sense, and I believe you should too.

 

I hope you enjoy the upcoming posts.

 

-T.I.M.